The following quotations are taken from official court records across the nation, showing how funny and embarrassing it is that recorders operate at all times in courts of law, so that even the slightest inadvertence is preserved for posterity.
Lawyer:"Was that the same nose you broke as a child?"
Witness:"I only have one, you know."
Lawyer:"Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?"
Lawyer:"And by whose death was it terminated?"
Accused, Defending His Own Case:"Did you get a good look at my face when I took your purse?"
The defendant was found guilty and sentenced to ten years in jail.
Lawyer:"What is your date of birth?"
Lawyer:"What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?"
Witness:"Gucci sweats and Reeboks."
Lawyer:"Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like?"
Witness:"No. He was wearing a mask."
Lawyer:"What was he wearing under the mask?"
Lawyer:"This myasthenia gravis -- does it affect your memory at all?"
Lawyer:"And in what ways does it affect your memory?"
Lawyer:"You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?"
Lawyer:"How old is your son, the one living with you?"
Witness:"Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which."
Lawyer:"How long has he lived with you?"
Witness:"Forty-five years."
Lawyer:"What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?"
Witness:"He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'"
Lawyer:"And why did that upset you?"
Witness:"My name is Susan."
Lawyer:"Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
Lawyer:"Did you check for blood pressure?"
Lawyer:"Did you check for breathing?"
Lawyer:"So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
Lawyer:"How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
Witness:"Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
Lawyer:"But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
Witness:"Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."
Lawyer:"What happened then?"
Witness:"He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you can identify me.'"
Lawyer:"Did he kill you?"
Lawyer:"Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man--"
Witness:"Thank you. If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment."
Lawyer:"You were there until the time you left, is that true?"
Lawyer:"So you were gone until you returned?"
Lawyer:"The youngest son, the 20 year old, how old is he?"
Lawyer:"Were you alone or by yourself?"
Witness:"He was about medium height and had a beard."
Lawyer:"Was this a male or a female?"
Lawyer:"I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture."
Lawyer:"Were you present when that picture was taken?"
Lawyer:"Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?"
Lawyer:"Do you know how far pregnant you are now?"
Witness:"I'll be three months on November 8."
Lawyer:"Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?"
Lawyer:"What were you doing at that time?"
Lawyer:"She had three children, right?"
Lawyer:"How many were boys?"
Lawyer:"Were there girls?"
Lawyer:"You say that the stairs went down to the basement?"
Lawyer:"And these stairs, did they go up also?"
Lawyer:"What is your brother-in-law's name?"
Lawyer:"What's his first name?"
Witness:"I can't remember."
Lawyer:"He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember his first name?"
Witness:"No. I tell you, I'm too excited." (rising and pointing to his brother-in-law) "Nathan, for heaven's sake, tell them your first name!"
Lawyer:"Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?"
Witness:"I refuse to answer that question.
Lawyer:"Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?"
Witness:"I refuse to answer that question.
Lawyer:"Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?"
Lawyer:"Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"
Witness:"All my autopsies have been performed on dead people."
Lawyer:"Were you acquainted with the deceased?"
Lawyer:"Before or after he died?"
Lawyer:"When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?"
Other Lawyer:"Objection. That question should be taken out and shot."
Lawyer:"And what did he do then?"
Witness:"He came home, and next morning he was dead."
Lawyer:"So when he woke up the next morning he was dead?"
Lawyer:"Could you see him from where you were standing?"
Witness:"I could see his head."
Lawyer:"And where was his head?"
Witness:"Just above his shoulders."
Lawyer:"Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?"
Witness:"The victim lived."
"Hot" Magazine Interview excerpt with Colin Morgan and Bradley James (Guest Starring Origami)
Interviewer:is that how you pick up girls?
Bradley:I actually pick up girls with various displays of origami.
Bradley:Yes, I do. It's quite a famous tactic here in England. The better you are at origami, the more women you attract.
Interviewer:And you're sure it's not because they recognise you from the show?
Colin:Well, generally they're too distracted by the origami.
Bradley:Yes. My house is origami. I've got a car that I drove here today that is made from origami.
Interviewer:It must be very environmentally friendly.
Interviewer:Alright, Colin, coming back to Merlin - do you believe in magic?
Colin:After watching Bradley drive around in his origami car, I believe in everything.
Interviewer:Okay. Do you own anything origami?
Colin:No, I'm an origami wannabe. I've actually started up a support group because some people have a deficiency in their systems where they can't actually fold things. I'm a part of that group, and it seems to affect people from Northern Ireland. Anyone prone to paper cuts shouldn't even enter the origami game. It's a rough industry and certainly if you don't have thick skin, you're going to lose.
Interview:Let us guess, we're your first interview of the day, aren't we?
Interviewer:And this is how you like to start your day?
Bradley:...I usually start my day with origami.
Goofy is the only classic Disney character who has had sex.
catbountry:
artninja-mcrockviking:
Mickey has nephews, Donald has nephews, Goofy has a son.
And he wasn’t adopted, he looks just like him.
Goofy……has had sex.
Goofy…..has known a woman biblically….
Imagine what it must’ve looked like.
Imagine what it sounded like.
These are the things I think about when I wake up in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat.
Hyuk hyuk.
(via pixie-girl10)
Found a bookshelf in the other room. Bitch is mine now!
